jesus girlJesus, what do we think of that name when we say it, scream it, or moan it?  It’s definitely a name that we have all said before, even read about at some point in our lives.  And we hear it all the time, everyday. Jesus this, Jesus that.  Jesus bumper stickers.  Jesus F—-kin’  Christ!  Jesus freak.  Jesus heals.  Jesus walked on water.  Jesus was sacrificed for our sins.  Guilt trip?  I don’t think so.  Jesus was around during a time when there were a large number of prophets and healers testing the waters.  So why did his name stick around?  Why did his book go on to be the biggest selling book ….EVER!  It’s in every hotel room in America.  Most cultures know him as a prophet.  For us here in  the “States”  Jesus is the gateway to heaven and the afterlife.
Sometimes images would come into my head whenever that name was spoken.  I went to Catholic school and church, so for me the main image was of him upon the cross.  It was confusing after a while, especially the first time I met a family who told me that they didn’t believe in God or Jesus.  “We are Atheists” , they said.  I was in shock, I didn’t know that such a thing was possible.  I mean how could you not believe in Jesus?  I mean we had documents that proved he was here.  I was so confused….and then they began to explain to me why they didn’t.  “Evolution” they said.  Right then I knew that I didn’t study hard enough in Biology and science.  It was truly a scary day for me.  I’ll never forget standing in front of their house as they explained to me why they chose to believe in Science rather than spirituality.  I was so shaken to the core  that I stopped speaking to him in school.  The whole idea just blew me out of the water.  The world as I had understood it (I was 13 at the time) was now at an end.  I found myself with my stomach in my mouth.  Sick to my stomach.  Physically ill. Everything that I had been taught was being questioned in an intelligent manner and with a compelling argument.  What was I to do?  I did what any frightened little kid would do….I went to Church.
I mean, don’t you find it a little obvious that the name Jesus is EVERYWHERE.  Like we were indoctrinated into some big fictional belief.  Still the name was everywhere.  Yeah, the name was everywhere.  It had to be true to have withstood the test of time.  All grandma’s and grandpa’s told their grandchildren all about Jesus, didn’t they?  Folk tales usually can be traced to some form of a truthful beginning.  Right?  But through all of those doubts I stuck with it for a couple more years until, the Church itself ruined it for me.  (but that’s all in another post here)  I finally went out into the world to make my own decisions and to develop my own personal belief system. 

My first “real” test was at the ripe old age of 22, when I had my first suicide attempt.  The circumstances surrounding this shameful event in my past were pretty typical.  I was playing in a rock and roll band for a while and I began to take “partying” more seriously than playing the music.  It’s funny in retrospect, because all through those experiences I was always writing.  Poetry, song lyrics etc…  But my first real test was when I woke up in the hospital, in a psyche ward, because of suicide watch you know?  I was in a room with a bunch of seriously twisted individuals and the very first thing I did was to get down on my knees and pray.  It’s funny how extreme situations really “do” bring out the truth in people.  I was on my knees so quick that there was absolutely NO doubt, in any ones mind, what I was doing on my knees.  That’s right, I was praying my ass off to GOD.  It was a completely natural response.   I didn’t even think about it.  It was just what I knew to be true.  Jesus! doesn’t any one understand me ?  That was my mantra for 32 days in that looney bin.  It’s what got me through the horror of watching people urinate on  one another, rub their own feces on the walls, dribble running down their chins, from being overly medicated.  The place was a nightmare.  But you know what?  Jesus and God got me through it.  I never doubted the existence of God and Jesus again.  Of course, I never went back to the church itself but I incorporated my faith in God, with other things I had been discovering, and had come to believe to be truths as well.  That’s pretty much how my faith in Jesus was truly cemented.  I could feel him after that experience of a 32 day escape from reality, and a serious meditation on Jesus and God.  Yes, feel him.  I knew he was there, inside me.  The psych ward had proven it to me.  JESUS! I was one scared kid….
I guess my point in all of this is quite simple.  Jesus exists in the minds of men for a reason.  Have you ever read the book called “As a man thinketh?”  It’s a very short book, but the gist can be easily summed up.  As a man thinketh, so is he…… other words, what you think about the most, in you mind, will manifest itself in times of desperate measures.  It isn’t hard to understand why people believe in Jesus. (because it’s in our everyday speech and field of vision).  what’s interesting about it is that some people while under duress will do just the opposite….they will lose their faith completely.  As though God or Jesus had let them down personally.  Like they were taking offense at the matter.  And God could not exist be cause it wasn’t their fault in the first place.   It forces you to decide what you believe in.  It forces you to decide or risk your sanity.  For me, personally, my faith in Jesus has never been shaken since that first test……..thank God!………I am Dartanion2……..and that’s the way I see it!………….cheers……….t  xx