kid on beachYesterday so much happened, that today I am paying the price for being so blessed.  Please allow me to explain.  I write a lot of poetry, every day I write two or three new pieces, (for the most part) and it’s been going like this for several months.  Yesterday, I was rewarded for my efforts in the form of recognition.  Some of my poems now stand ready and at the brink of actually being published.  I was in contact with interested parties and the possibilities are truly staring me in the face…….and oh my heart jumped with joy, I mean just the idea of leaving behind a book for my son’s to read when I am dead and gone literally made me get up and start to pace around.  And those of you who know me, know just how friggin’ difficult that is.  But wait,  it gets much better…….yesterday I received an email from the front desk of my building, letting me know that there was a package waiting for me.  Well, it is very difficult for me to walk and so sometimes I will wait until I’m feeling “just right” before making a trip downstairs.  Yesterday I didn’t, I just had a feeling I should go.  So I went down 9 floors to the lobby to get my mystery package.  When I saw the label on the box I was happy to see it was from home, it had my mothers address on it.  When I got back upstairs and opened it, there was a note on top that said, “Thinking of You” and the handwriting inside was that of my sister Tina.  It made me smile.  Then upon inspecting the contents I was simply blown away.  My mother and I, several days earlier, had talked about how my illness had caused me to gain some weight and that I was having trouble buttoning my pants etc.    well, my sister had taken it upon herself to remedy the situation. Inside I found Levi’s jeans (my favorite) another pair of pants I would most surely have chosen for myself, shirts from all of my favorite designers and brand names, socks, boxer briefs, very cool shorts, and other assorted clothing that ONLY my sister Tina could have chosen so perfectly.  Needless to say I was EXTREMELY excited…….I tried on some things and when I saw myself in the mirror something just came over me.  Now, you guys know that I leave my building rarely, except to go to the Doctor or Hospital, and I NEVER go out alone, it’s too dangerous for my health. But I was so excited by new found Christmas morning gifts that I did the impossible (well at least until that moment I thought of it as impossible)……I finished putting on all new shiny things and I was determined to go downstairs just to feel normal again and interact with some people because the clothing had given me a confidence I had forgotten I had.  So I went downstairs, to the bench out front which is as far as I ever go, with the idea in my head that might run into a few people and maybe strike up a conversation, (something I haven’t done at length in nearly 2 years).  Well, as I sat outside enjoying the summer breeze a friend from the building recognized me and said, “Hey Tony, do you need a ride?” …I hesitated and was about to say No when the word “Yes” popped out of my mouth.  I knew everyone would be mad at me if I even mentioned going off on my own alone so I seized the moment.  I grabbed my platform cane and said,  “can you drop me down at the Beach tunnel?” and off we went.  It’s only 4 blocks away and it’s where the tunnel goes beneath Lake Shore Drive (where I live) and opens right on the beach on the other side.  I was so happy to be outside, on the beach, by myself, with my new clothes that I felt renewed.  It was a magical thing and seemed to bring me hope in things to come.  I watched the people playing volleyball, jogging, skateboarding, and bathing in bikini’s.  I had forgotten how precious freedom of movement really is.  I had forgotten the potential opportunity just in the ability to walk alone.  Well, I stayed for about 30 minutes and I had a long, slow, painful, walk back home, but I was smiling all the way.  I had to stop 5 times for rest but I didn’t care,  the pain was secondary to the pleasure of being out there on my own.  It reminded me what it was I am fighting for every day.  And it made it easy for me to decide to have that “Spinal Cord Stimulator” surgery.  (after I study all the variables of course)  But because my sister sent me that package the positivity in my mind has a new source of motivation, Thank you Tina.  And thank God for allowing me to recognize just how fortunate I really am.   The picture of the child on the beach above, is what I saw yesterday on the beach, and although my feet are extremely painful today, it was well worth it, just to see the joy in the childs face as she played on the beach and splashed in the water……..I am Dartanion2……..and that’s the way I see it………..cheers………t xx