As it is getting close to Valentines Day, I thought I would tell you all about a very special Valentines gift that I received last year.

I was busy writing a poem for Valentines Day last year, for my husband Geoff, it was just after lunch when I had finished the poem. Geoff came home and we chatted for a while about the things he`d been up to that day, when suddenly he insisted that I looked a bit pale and asked me to go upstairs for a rest, he`s quite a fuss pot at times! I told him that I was ok and not at all tired! but he insisted! so I gave in and lay down on our bed.

I was just laid there day dreaming and listening to the birds in the garden, my eyes were closed but I wasn`t asleep. Suddenly I could smell my son Andrew`s favourite aftershave, it was the last thing I`d given to him before he died. I opened my eyes and felt the weight of someone sitting on the bed, thinking it was Geoff, I turned over, but sat there with me, was my son! He was as real as you and I! and no I am not going crazy!! I thought am I dreaming here or what? then he spoke to me saying ” No mum, you`re not dreaming, I am really here with you, but I can`t stay long ” he took me in his arms and gave me a big strong cuddle, just like he always did. I was so shocked that I couldn`t speak, I just burst into tears and hung on to him with every ounce of my being. He kept saying over and over ” Mum, I`m here, you`re ok, I love you, shush, calm down ” all the time he was kissing my face and hands.

He sat with me for a couple of minutes. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn`t get any words out, and I was getting so frustrated because I wanted so much to talk to him. I hung on to him, stroking his face, his back, his chest and his hands, and just soaked up into myself his whole beautiful energy. It was so strong that it lit up the room.

All I could say was ” Oh Andrew “, over and over!! I wanted so much to talk to him, but I was completely helpless in tears and shock. I eventually calmed down, he was always good at calming me down when I was upset, and eventually I managed to talk to him.

He kept telling me ” Happy Valentines day mum, I couldn`t send you a card so I brought you the real thing! what do you think eh? original or what?? ” We both laughed and clung on to each other. I kept saying ” please, don`t go Roo ” ( Roo is his nick name ) but he said ” I`m sorry mum but I can`t stay, I`m only able to be here for a little while, just long enough to wish you Happy Valentines day and to get my special cuddle off you again.

It was me that told dad to make you go to bed! so that I could get you all to myself for a few minutes. I just put the thought in his mind. Mum, promise me that you`ll always remember that I`m so proud of you and your writing, eeh! woo hoo! my mum`s a published author!! and it`s about bloody time that you took some credit for it, so stop putting yourself down when someone admires your writing! There now! that`s your telling off done, so be good for me ok!

Mum I was with you all, when dad read out the poem STILL for us at the anniversary get together. I was also with you, sat next to you, when you wrote it mum. I gave you the words to the first part of the poem! The first four lines and the last line, are my words. I`m so proud of your first attempt at writing a poem that doesn`t rhyme.

Always remember that I am still with you and I`ll let you know like I always do. You`re getting good at spotting the signs now, at last!! I love you Momma Bear ( that`s Andrews nick name for me, because I always give the people that I love big bear hugs ) so give dad a hug for me and tell him I love him, and that I like the new car ” He squeezed me extra tight and I just managed to say ” I love you too baby ” then he faded away smiling at me and blowing kisses, and with one last ” I love you “, he was gone.

After I pulled myself together and calmed down, I ran down the stairs and told Geoff what had just happened, he just said ” You`ve been dreaming love! I said you looked tired didn`t I? I heard you talking to yourself though, you silly mare!! ” He wouldn`t accept any of it, and refuses to have anything to do with `that sort of thing`as he calls it!! In exasperation I held my hands out to him and told him to smell them, when he did, he said ” Is that Andrews aftershave? ” ” Yes!! so how does your logical, very sceptical and stubborn mind explain that away then eh?? We haven`t got any of that fragrance have we?!! ” He still wouldn`t accept it! No matter how much proof I get from Andrew, Geoff refuses to believe in life after death. So I`ve just given up telling him!

STILL

He is no longer mine

He has left me a great mountain of memories

His feather soft kiss still plays on my cheeks.

My heart still bursts and sparks with the flame of the love we shared

With the dreams we dreamt

The wind still sighs.

I still melt with the memory of the warmth of his skin in my quiet moments.

I still see his smile on moonbeams high

Hear his laughter in the fire of the sparkling stars.

Stilled are the echo`s of the fire in his soul

His shine.

The sweet memory of his soft perfect skin

He still dances in the rhythm of blossoms in sway.

Still his aura caresses sweetly the leaves on the swaying branch.

He is no longer mine

His soul holds me gently

His song dries my aching tears

Still I feel him close.

Always

Always part of me

For we are bound as one.

G xx

nanny.gina.r@gmail.com