he will be thereHi guys ~ been over a month, I know………..been dealing with this crazy illness of mine.  Doctor’s tell me we’ve got a handle on it now.  I don’t know.  Today is a good day though and I feel like talking so let me convey some things that have been on my mind……..not in any specific order.  Carlos Castaneda, as most of you know, is a HUGE part of me………at least those first three books of his are……….they have guided me most of my adult life toward that something that I’ve come to learn we ALL face eventually.  OURSELVES ~ who we are and how we fit into this crazy, mixed up, and truly beautiful reality.  The last few weeks I’ve been extremely ill and incapable of writing.  Facing this reality without the ability to write was too much for me and I shut down.  Locked the door to my room, turned my phone off, turned the lights off in my room, and stared at the History Channel for four days (H2 actually) ~ half the time I didn’t hear what was being said on the screen because the voice inside my head was much louder.  I thought that at my upcoming Doctor appointment they were going to tell me that I was dying of Cancer or something and my mind began taking me places that were important to me……..like all the time I’ve missed with my two sons, my faith, what I truly believed about this crazy place we call life and I realized just how important those original three Carlos books were to helping design my personal belief system………I mean…….he was right………we ARE all luminous balls of energy that when truly looked upon are glowing enigma’s.  We don’t REALLY know what happens to us after death but we have faith of one kind or another………good or evil………and it doesn’t differentiate…….we all still glow when looked at with the soft eyes Carlos teaches about in those books.  We are ALL using our innate abilities to conceive of and/or imagine ways to find our way home.  To greet our deaths with some sort of understanding of ourselves which, in turn, teaches us everything we need to know about our universe.  It’s ALL inside of us.  The Bible teaches that.  Violence teaches us that.  Life experiences teach us that.  As I stared at the screen those past four days, barely eating or sleeping, I saw in the images flowing through the screen that even in our films we’re creating modern versions of the Bible, the stories our minds create for films, books, paintings etc. are not unlike the stories of our past in the Bible.  Please understand I am NOT a big believer in the Christian version of the Bible ~ there are cultures all over the globe with their own Bible’s that are just as important and just as praiseworthy……but…….they ALL do preach the same thing……Searching, we’re always searching ~ reaching out ~ basing our beliefs on Faith and Faith alone.   Faith in the seemingly impossible as well as probable.  Our sense of moving forward is SO powerful that when faced with death we (at least I) didn’t become fearful……..it became comforting to know that I was moving forward……..toward something…….we have clocks and calendars to count, to keep track of our insatiable need to move forward.   Whether that faith be placed in Jesus’s improbable rise from his death to the place we refer to as Heaven~ or~ if we look to the stars and our Universe….. we are……..either way……..putting our Faith in the impossible or improbable.  I put a lot of my faith in Metaphysics……….my belief that we are innately endowed with extraordinary capabilities we are constantly evolving into.  In any case, we are constantly moving forward, progressing, growing, dreaming, learning and reaching for the impossible.  Carlos Castaneda set me on this course of my amazing search for that which we call God.  Even Atheists through all their rhetoric believe in God or they wouldn’t be so adamantly fighting against believing their was a Big Bang that created this Universe and that their was someone or some thing that created the Big Bang.  We know for a fact that there WAS a Big Bang that created this Universe ~ It’s NOT a big leap from knowing that crucial piece of information, to knowing there IS a God.  Carlos set me on a course that took me ALL over the world………meeting people from many, many backgrounds…………I thank God I met Carlos Castaneda through his books……..because I now know for a fact……..that there is SO much more to this reality than our eyes are capable of perceiving and the beauty therein could only have come from our creator……….he is begging us to see……….we need only look with soft eyes………..I am Dartanion2……….and that’s the way I see it…………T………cheers!!