I know most struggles are fought on the field, classroom, household, workplace, or hospital ~ but I am here to tell you that mine is being fought in the sheets. In my room, alone, with will, and my mind alone to guide me through this most bizarre circumstance. My pain has taken my soul from me and challenged me to stay in the game. I have, of late, only found a few hours per day of clarity and so I chose this moment because I just woke up a few minutes ago with these thoughts uppermost in my mind. I felt death calling to me last night, I felt it’s icy grip telling me it was cold and filled with fear but as I refused it’s bullshit state of being I felt an indescribable warmth come to me ~ a welcoming light that tried as well to call to me to come home. I know the latter was God’s angels telling me it was o.k. to give up the fight and come home but I swear to you as I cry while writing these words that I felt a strange calling inside of me somewhere that I cannot describe with words that also told me it was ok to come back ~ to finish what I have not finished in this life. I am committed to it as I write these words, in this moment, because as I awoke I felt a strength I have never felt before. The strength to stand up and speak of the things I have been afraid to face before. I was born with a nobility of being a black and white son of this society and I have felt for so long that I have let my family and friends down for not living up to my God given abilities ~ I will NOT give up on these things ever again ~ I am a MULATTO man and I have some things to say and to offer before I leave this reality ~ right now I am feeling constant pain in my entire body at times during each day where it seems to be in all the bones of my body ~ but I know now how to fight it ~ to detach myself from the pain ~ to fight with my mind and the Love of my family’s strength even though they are far away ~ I can feel them when I am in an altered state ~ I know that they are there, but more importantly, I can feel that God is there telling me to fight for I have a mission now. To tell everyone that there is definitely something beyond this existence, something powerfully comforting and something with an icy falseness that is so easy not to believe in ~ that it becomes so painfully obvious that God has always been there, looking out for me, looking out for everyone who chooses to believe in it’s presence. A separate reality, if you will, that is warm and filled with a light that is so totally filled with indescribable joy that words that we, as men and women, have developed to communicate with one another, that falls way short of the truth of this existence. We just don’t see it because we look with our eyes and not with everything that we are, not with all of our selves, our entire shining light and ability of faith in our more-ness. We are so much more than we admit to ourselves, we are glowing beings filled with a spirit that is so rare and so precious that once we find it, we are not the same again, our appreciation of this life becomes more important than things monetary. Our appreciation of this life becomes spiritual for our path after this life has nothing to do with money or power, it has to do with purity of heart and kindness in our appreciation of that which we call physical reality. If I do not live much longer in this life I want you to know that I have faced death and come back to talk to about it. That thing that we refer to as God in so many different ways ~ is real, it’s there, waiting for you to be the best that you can be because everyone of us is so special that it is our existence, our experiences that are being waited for in the afterlife, for it is those things that we take with us that are so rare and undeniably contribute to the greater good of all things beyond this reality ~ we are needed, and we are needed to be as good and as kind as we are capable of being. That thing we call God, does not call itself God, it is beyond our comprehension and it Love’s us, no matter who we are in this life. I say these words now because they are coming from beyond myself, I hope you can understand ~ it will be my mission in this life~ if I am able to make it out of my bed of pain and selfishness ~ to help everyone I meet to understand that which is in my heart at this very moment………glide on Love my friends………Love is the only thing that matters……….truly! ………..I am Dartanion2…….and that’s the way I see it………….cheers T!………..later my friends.