metaphysics, myths, and ancient civilaztionsI have spent over four years now in my room, my apartment, and doctor’s offices, with occasional visits to the grocery store and nothing more.  During this time I have had thousands of hours to reflect on my life and my approaching death.  I have written and read and researched poetry, physics, metaphysics, and my belief systems cry for the truth about God.  During this time, four people that I know well ~ died!  As I grow older I realize that I will know more and more people to die and those deaths have driven me to know truth.  And I understand that the only truth I can possibly know intimately is my own.  As I begin reflecting on my life I think to myself how much of it I have just wasted ~ just thrown away ~ but as I become more honest with myself I come to realize that none of what I have done or , not done, is all equally important.  Because my life has been spent with other people and how we affect other peoples lives we never really know the whole of.  It came to me through another Emerson quote that it is me, it is my own self worth that truly matters.  Emerson’s quote,  “Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.”  Do I understand that I am good person in the depths of me, do I approach my daily challenges selfishly?  Do I put others before myself?  When I asked myself those questions the answer was no and yes.  I am selfish when put under this type of scrutiny but there are times when I do things for others that are truly kind.  But at the same time I think to myself that I have done something good so where is my reward.  That still adds up to me being selfish and as I grow older I try to do more good things because I am selfishly trying to please that which I choose to call GOD.  And so Emerson’s quote begins to play a greater and greater role in my thinking ~ “NOTHING is at last SACRED but the INTEGRITY of your own mind.”  It’s in my mind where I lie to myself, where I keep hidden the lies I have told others, where I shake at the idea of my own death, it is in my own mind where I must learn to like myself.  No one else can do that for me.  We bring to life what we can and we see only that which we bring to life.  The beauty of the world and books belong to the eyes that see them.  It depends on the persons busy life if they ever even have the chance to recognize the poetry or the importance of a thing.  As we grow older and the more death becomes a part of our life, the more we begin to appreciate.  For me, it is my belief system that I am working hardest at.  I have always loved people and believed that most people are inherently good and so now I am on the biggest quest of my life………..preparing myself for the most honorable death my personal belief system will allow and in doing so I pray that I learn enough about the origins of life and Love to be able to pass on what I have learned to those I love personally and any other person curious about my VERY specific beliefs about God and humanity. Today I can honestly say, I like who I am, and I am excited to wake each day with the potential of learning a new piece to this puzzle we call life.  My heart is filled with Love for I am truly blessed with the VERY special people in my life and the unshakeable belief, and profound faith in the unfathomable idea of God’s existence.  My experience in this reality, as well as your own, is the most rare and precious energy in the entire universe………..I am Dartanion2……….and that’s the way I see it!!………cheers….T xo